Talladega Nights Quotes: Welcome to the world of “Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby” quotes! Released in 2006 and directed by Adam McKay, this hilarious sports comedy film quickly became a cult classic for its absurd humor and unforgettable lines.
Set in the fast-paced world of NASCAR racing, the movie follows the rise, fall, and eventual redemption of Ricky Bobby, portrayed by the talented Will Ferrell, a once successful but arrogant race car driver.
As we delve into the world of “Talladega Nights,” get ready to buckle up and embark on a wild ride filled with witty one-liners, outlandish antics, and laugh-out-loud moments that have left a lasting impression on fans worldwide.
So, rev up your engines and join us as we explore the most iconic and memorable quotes from this high-octane comedy masterpiece!
Iconic Talladega Nights Quotes
- “I’m Ricky Bobby. If you don’t chew Big Red, then f*** you!”
- “Shake and bake!”
- “Dear Lord baby Jesus, lyin’ there in your ghost manger, just lookin’ at your Baby Einstein developmental videos, learnin’ ’bout shapes and colors.”
- “If you ain’t first, you’re last.”
- “I wake up in the morning, and I piss excellence.”
- “I’m just a big, hairy American winning machine.”
- “Help me, Tom Cruise! Use your witchcraft to get the fire off me!”
- “I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo T-shirt because it says, like, ‘I wanna be formal, but I’m here to party, too.'”
- “With all due respect, Colonel Sanders, you’re an idiot!”
- “I’m not sure what to do with my hands.”
- “I’m on fire! Help me, Oprah Winfrey!”
- “If you’re not first, you’re last. You know? You know what I’m talking about?”
- “I’m the best there is. Plain and simple. I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.”
- “You gotta learn to drive with the fear. There ain’t nothin’ more frightenin’ than drivin’ with a live cougar in the car.”
- “I’m gonna come at you like a spider monkey!”
- “Here’s the deal. I’m the best there is, plain and simple. I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.”
- “Dear Lord Baby Jesus, we also thank you for my wife’s father, Chip. We hope that you can use your baby Jesus powers to heal him and his horrible leg.”
- “I’m just a big, hairy American winning machine, you know?”
- “I’m Ricky Bobby, and if you don’t believe in America, then you can get out!”
- “I’m Ricky Bobby, and if you don’t chew Big Red, then f*** you!”
- “I can’t concentrate in my car! There’s so much going on!”
- “I’m paralyzed! I can’t move my legs!”
- “You taste of America!”
- “Ricky Bobby, you’ve gone soft, like those re-usable grocery bags that you take to the supermarket because you’re tired of your wife yelling at you about all those plastic bags killing the environment.”
- “That’s ’cause we got a sponsorship deal with Powerade. And we all live in a mansion together. That we bought together.”
- “I’m gonna come at you like a spider monkey, Chip!”
- “I’m not from there. I’m from East Carolina. I’m Ricky Bobby!”
- “I don’t know what to do with my hands.”
- “Hey, I know you. You’re that kid from that race in North Carolina.”
- “I was on fire and I was running down the street like a flaming cat from hell!”
Famous Talladega Nights Quotes
- “If you ain’t first, you’re last.”
- “Shake and bake!”
- “I’m Ricky Bobby. If you don’t chew Big Red, then f*** you!”
- “Dear Lord baby Jesus, lyin’ there in your ghost manger…”
- “Help me, Tom Cruise! Use your witchcraft to get the fire off me!”
- “I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo T-shirt…”
- “With all due respect, Colonel Sanders, you’re an idiot!”
- “I’m on fire! Help me, Oprah Winfrey!”
- “You gotta learn to drive with the fear.”
- “I’m just a big, hairy American winning machine.”
- “I’m the best there is. Plain and simple.”
- “I’m gonna come at you like a spider monkey!”
- “You taste of America!”
- “Ricky Bobby, you’ve gone soft, like those re-usable grocery bags…”
- “I can’t concentrate in my car! There’s so much going on!”
- “I’m paralyzed! I can’t move my legs!”
- “That’s ’cause we got a sponsorship deal with Powerade…”
- “I’m not from there. I’m from East Carolina. I’m Ricky Bobby!”
- “Hey, I know you. You’re that kid from that race in North Carolina.”
- “I was on fire and I was running down the street like a flaming cat from hell!”
- “Let me just quote the late, great Colonel Sanders…”
- “That’s right, I am a thinker.”
- “When you have the stereo and the T.V. on at the same time…”
- “I’m gonna use the knife.”
- “Me and my friends were always like, ‘Hey, what would it be like to work at a restaurant all day, and then, at night, have beautiful women come in?'”
- “The only thing I’ve ever delivered is a baby… in a bathroom… at a White Castle.”
- “I sent in my application to The Real World, so I’m hoping to hear back from that. I’m putting a lot of my eggs into that basket, the MTV basket. If you’re reading, MTV…”
- “Hakuna Matata, b****es!”
- “That’s a $60,000 Hummer. That’s a $60,000 Hummer you just killed!”
- “I mean, if you don’t chew Big Red, then f*** you.”
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Funny Talladega Nights Quotes From Ricky Bobby
- “I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.”
- “Dear Lord baby Jesus, we thank you so much for this bountiful harvest of Domino’s, KFC, and the always delicious Taco Bell.”
- “I’m just a big, hairy, American winning machine!”
- “You gotta learn to drive with the fear. And there ain’t nothin’ more goddamn frightening than drivin’ with a live cougar in the car.”
- “Shake and bake, baby!”
- “I’m not sure what to do with my hands.”
- “I’m paralyzed with fear right now. It’s like I can’t even move.”
- “I’m flying through the air! This is not good!”
- “I’m the best there is. Plain and simple. I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.”
- “I wanna go fast!”
- “I’m on fire, Chip! I’m on fire!”
- “Help me, Oprah Winfrey!”
- “I’ve sent out my Christmas cards and put my tree up, and now I’m ready to celebrate the birth of baby Jesus!”
- “With all due respect, I didn’t know you had experimental surgery to have your balls removed.”
- “I’ve been drivin’ with the fear for 30 years. I know what I’m doin’.”
- “I’m the best driver in the world!”
- “I’m the man who discovered you!”
- “Well, let me just quote the late, great Colonel Sanders: ‘I’m too drunk to taste this chicken.'”
- “I don’t know what to do with my hands!”
- “Just be a man, take the wheel, and win the race!”
- “I wanna go fast, but I’m all jacked up on Mountain Dew!”
- “If you’re not first, you’re last, like that old saying, ‘the early bird gets the worm’, or is it, ‘the second mouse gets the cheese’?”
- “I’m the lead singer of a band, not a doctor.”
- “You gotta learn to drive with the fear, and there ain’t nothin’ more frightening than drivin’ with a live cougar in the car.”
- “Don’t you put that evil on me, Ricky Bobby!”
- “You can call me El Diablo!”
- “I’m the best there is, plain and simple. I mean, I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.”
- “I’m not sure what to do with my hands.”
- “Ricky Bobby’s the name, and I like to go fast!”
Hilarious Talladega Nights Quotes and Lines
- “If you ain’t first, you’re last! You know, you know what I’m talking about?” – Ricky Bobby
- “I’m just a big, hairy, American winning machine!” – Ricky Bobby
- “Dear eight-pound, six-ounce, newborn infant Jesus, don’t even know a word yet, just a little infant and so cuddly, but still omnipotent.” – Ricky Bobby
- “Chip, I’m gonna come at you like a spider monkey!” – Ricky Bobby
- “Now, we had a deal, that I could go fast, and they wouldn’t make fun of me. And that I could just, I could be number one. Now if they make fun of my speed, then they’re making fun of me.” – Ricky Bobby
- “I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo T-Shirt because it says I want to be formal, but I’m here to party.” – Cal Naughton Jr.
- “That’s just a bunch of French words put together, ain’t it?” – Ricky Bobby
- “Hey, I’m Ricky Bobby. When you’re workin’ on your mysterious lady part stuff, you should have the right tools, too.” – Ricky Bobby
- “Here’s the deal, I’m the best there is, plain and simple. I mean, I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.” – Ricky Bobby
- “You can’t have two number ones; that makes 11.” – Carley Bobby
- “You’re not on fire, Ricky Bobby!” – Lucius Washington
- “There’s nothing more terrifying than driving with a live cougar in the car.” – Ricky Bobby
- “I’m not sure what to do with my hands.” – Ricky Bobby
- “You’re not gonna let your sons talk to their grandfather that way, are ya?” – Reese Bobby
- “I’m all jacked up on Mountain Dew!” – Ricky Bobby
- “This sticker is dangerous and inconvenient, but I do love Fig Newtons.” – Reese Bobby
- “I’m just a big, hairy, American winning machine!” – Ricky Bobby
- “I’m not a doctor, but I am a driver, and that’s the most important thing. I mean, I mean, that’s the gift that God gave me.” – Ricky Bobby
- “It’s the fastest, who gets paid, and that’s why I drive the Chevelle.” – Ricky Bobby
- “You’re not gonna let your sons talk to their grandfather that way, are ya?” – Reese Bobby
Talladega Nights Quotes About Career
- “If you ain’t first, you’re last!” – Ricky Bobby
- “I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.” – Ricky Bobby
- “I’m just a big, hairy, American winning machine!” – Ricky Bobby
- “I’m the best there is, plain and simple. I mean, I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.” – Ricky Bobby
- “You gotta learn to drive with the fear, and there ain’t nothin’ more frightening than drivin’ with a live cougar in the car.” – Ricky Bobby
- “You can’t have two number ones; that makes 11.” – Carley Bobby
- “Here’s the deal, I’m the best there is, plain and simple. I mean, I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.” – Ricky Bobby
- “With all due respect, I didn’t know you had experimental surgery to have your balls removed.” – Ricky Bobby
- “You gotta think big to be big.” – Reese Bobby
- “Now, we had a deal, that I could go fast, and they wouldn’t make fun of me. And that I could just, I could be number one. Now if they make fun of my speed, then they’re making fun of me.” – Ricky Bobby
- “Ricky Bobby’s the name, and I like to go fast!” – Ricky Bobby
- “Hey, I’m Ricky Bobby. When you’re workin’ on your mysterious lady part stuff, you should have the right tools, too.” – Ricky Bobby
- “I’m not sure what to do with my hands.” – Ricky Bobby
- “You’re not a thinker; you’re a doer!” – Lucius Washington
- “It’s the fastest, who gets paid, and that’s why I drive the Chevelle.” – Ricky Bobby
- “I’m not a doctor, but I am a driver, and that’s the most important thing. I mean, I mean, that’s the gift that God gave me.” – Ricky Bobby
- “You’ve gotta win to get sponsors, and then you’ve gotta get sponsors to win.” – Ricky Bobby
- “Well, it’s just like a French proverb my grandmother used to quote: ‘You catch more flies with honey than vinegar.'” – Jean Girard
- “I’m all jacked up on Mountain Dew!” – Ricky Bobby
- “That’s the whole deal. You keep doing that, and pretty soon all kinds of weird stuff starts to happen, like you can rule the world.” – Ricky Bobby
Funny Talladega Nights Quotes and Lines
- “I’m just a big, hairy, American winning machine!” – Ricky Bobby
- “Dear eight-pound, six-ounce, newborn infant Jesus, don’t even know a word yet, just a little infant and so cuddly, but still omnipotent.” – Ricky Bobby
- “Help me, Tom Cruise! Use your witchcraft on me to get the fire off me!” – Ricky Bobby
- “If we wanted two wussies, we would’ve named them Dr. Quinn and Medicine Woman!” – Reese Bobby
- “I like to think of Jesus like with giant eagle’s wings, singing lead vocals for Lynyrd Skynyrd with like an angel band, and I’m in the front row and I’m hammered drunk!” – Cal Naughton Jr.
- “I’m gonna come at you like a spider monkey!” – Ricky Bobby
- “Shake and bake!” – Ricky Bobby and Cal Naughton Jr.
- “You can’t have two number ones; that makes 11.” – Carley Bobby
- “You’ve gotta win to get sponsors, and then you’ve gotta get sponsors to win.” – Ricky Bobby
- “You’ve gotta learn to drive with the fear. There ain’t nothin’ more frightenin’ than drivin’ with a live cougar in the car.” – Reese Bobby
- “With all due respect, I didn’t know you had experimental surgery to have your balls removed.” – Ricky Bobby
- “I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.” – Ricky Bobby
- “Now, we had a deal, that I could go fast, and they wouldn’t make fun of me. And that I could just, I could be number one. Now if they make fun of my speed, then they’re making fun of me.” – Ricky Bobby
- “Hey, I’m Ricky Bobby. When you’re workin’ on your mysterious lady part stuff, you should have the right tools, too.” – Ricky Bobby
- “I’m not sure what to do with my hands.” – Ricky Bobby
- “You’re not gonna let your sons talk to their grandfather that way, are ya?” – Reese Bobby
- “I’m all jacked up on Mountain Dew!” – Ricky Bobby
- “Well, it’s just like a French proverb my grandmother used to quote: ‘You catch more flies with honey than vinegar.'” – Jean Girard
- “That’s the whole deal. You keep doing that, and pretty soon all kinds of weird stuff starts to happen, like you can rule the world.” – Ricky Bobby
Conclusion
The Best Talladega Nights quotes are a testament to the film’s hilarious and outrageous humor that has left audiences laughing for years. Led by the charismatic and outlandish character of Ricky Bobby, played brilliantly by Will Ferrell, the movie is a rollercoaster of funny moments, witty one-liners, and memorable catchphrases.
The quote “If you ain’t first, you’re last!” has become an iconic and oft-quoted line that perfectly encapsulates Ricky Bobby’s fiercely competitive and self-absorbed personality. From his self-proclaimed excellence to his comical fear of driving with a live cougar, Ricky Bobby’s character is a goldmine of comedic genius.
The film’s supporting characters, such as Cal Naughton Jr., Reese Bobby, and Jean Girard, also contribute to the comedic brilliance with their unique personalities and humorous exchanges with Ricky Bobby.
Whether it’s Ricky’s amusing prayer to the “eight-pound, six-ounce, newborn infant Jesus” or his random outbursts about being “all jacked up on Mountain Dew,” the movie delivers a constant stream of laugh-out-loud moments that have become ingrained in popular culture.
The best Talladega Nights quotes not only showcase the film’s comedic brilliance but also offer a satirical take on the world of racing and the American obsession with winning and success. Through its witty dialogue and absurd situations, the movie finds a perfect balance of humor, heart, and social commentary.
Overall, Talladega Nights has solidified its place as a beloved comedy, and its memorable quotes continue to bring joy and laughter to audiences worldwide. Whether you’re a racing fan or not, the film’s humor and memorable lines are sure to leave a lasting impression on anyone who watches it.